The Color of Courage
by Lynnette Bukowski
© 2010
by Lynnette Bukowski
© 2010
This
is what it feels like to
watch someone I love fall out of the sky:
I tilt my head back, shield my eyes from sunglow, and watch tiny specks
drop
from a plane so high, I cannot actually see it in the cerulean blue
sky. I only hear a distant drone. Big Red, our 120 pound Golden
Retriever, begins
to pace around my legs in a tight circle.
The behavior is so unusual for this markedly obedient dog that I sense
something’s off, but I keep my eyes skyward, fascinated now by a long,
colorful
cloth spiraling up from one of the floating dots. The silk flaps around
like a
rag doll, whips at the sky, but doesn’t catch the wind. Red stops
pacing and emits a long, fretful
sound somewhere between a moan and a bark. The Platoon Chief beside me
angles
his binoculars just so and shouts “Buk!” my husband’s nickname.
My
throat closes, my breath
stops and the chatter around me turns heavy and distorted. I lock my
knees because standing seems
impossible and blessedly, Red is solid against my left side. I lean
into him. The spiraling cloth crumbles away and it is
agonizing moments before a small chute mushrooms out, catches the wind
and
snaps dangling legs to attention. Still,
Steve is dropping far too fast. I do not even have time to make an
entire
“deal” with God before Red bolts from my side and runs flat out toward
the drop
zone. This is against all rules and some
small part of my brain thinks of calling him back, but I don’t.
Instead, I watch, as if in slow motion, Red skids
sideways into two black boots a microsecond before they hit ground.
Legs fold like a dance movement and two
bodies (large dog and man) drop into a long controlled roll, tumbling
over and
over before they both pop upright, tangled in line and parachute. I
glimpse
Steve hunched over, hands on his knees with Red beside him, panting.
The men around me cheer, curse, run. I drop to my knees, then to all
fours as the air
leaves my lungs and the world turns black.
This is where they find
me. I half-wake to a mixture of dust and
dog breath. Red laps his long wet tongue
up the middle of my face. From a
distance I hear, “Happy Anniversary, honey.”
Both Steve and Red are smiling (I’m sure) as though this impromptu
anniversary gift, indeed, the world tilting on its edge, is hysterical.
That was my third anniversary
gift and to this day – nearly 31 years later - I’m sure Big Red saved my
husband’s life that day. Of course, the
law of physics might not support my certainty, but believe me, it was just the
beginning of this courageous dog’s gift.
We adopted Big Red shortly
after our first son was born. Every kid
needs a dog and we fell in love with his sparkling brown eyes and deep red coat
of fur. We were told Red was bred to win
top prizes in dog shows. But his head was too big according to some ridiculous
rule, and at just over a year old, he was dumped with a Retriever Rescue
Group. None of us – the rescue group –
or our naïve young family – realized the extent of Red’s training until years
later, but looking back, it was glaringly obvious.
From the first night in our
home, Red adopted our baby son. He politely watched me place his new dog bed
in a corner of the kitchen and after a quick drink, curled up and lay
down. He watched as we ate dinner,
during baby bath-time and story reading, but as we tucked our little one into
his crib, Red left the room and returned dragging his dog bed by his
mouth. He carefully placed it at the end
of the crib and Red’s bed (or new versions of it) remained in that spot through
16 babies (two homemade, 1 adopted and 13 foster babies) and seven different
homes across the country. On his own, Red
taught each of our children how to walk him before they were big enough to see
over his back. No kidding, he would
retrieve his leash from a basket and heal to their little steps around the back
yard.
With an uncanny sense, Red
always knew to be gentle with children and outright frightening to unwelcome
strangers. Often, when Steve was
deployed, I would watch Red’s reaction before
opening the front door to someone unknown.
He was right one hundred percent of the time.
On one occasion, I was
distracted and opened the door to our foster daughter’s new boyfriend. Before
I had a chance to say hello, Red sped past me, jumped at the boy and had his jaw
locked around the young man’s right arm, then twisted until the kid fell to his
knees, screaming. I froze in horror for a
brief moment – until I saw the weapon – and then, with far more bravado then I
felt, I lifted the gun out of his useless hand and called the police. Red held the boy down the entire time, and
released only when the police arrived.
But
the most memorable save
happened during Red’s last year of life.
Our youngest son was only an infant and barely two month’s old –
attached 24 hours a day to a heart and apnea monitor, which alerted with
loud
beeps when his heart or breathing stopped.
Most of the time, the alerts would require only minimal stimulation for
Aaron to respond and the family (including Red) was well used to the
sound. In 1991, Red suffered from
arthritis and was partially blind, so he stayed on his bed a good
portion of
each day. That particular day, during
naptime, I decided to vacuum and was nearly done with the upstairs when
Red ran
from the bedroom and grabbed my hand with his jaw. He growled and whined
and
pulled and the instant I turned off the vacuum I heard the alarm of
Aaron’s
monitor. Aaron was nearly blue and I had
to administer CPR and simultaneously phone for help. Red stayed by my
side the entire time. Aaron is now a 20 year old, 6’3” handsome
young man. Red passed away 11 months
later, one week after Aaron outgrew his heart and apnea monitors. I
think he
planned it that way.
P.S. I know Big Red and Steve are having the time
of their lives in Heaven with tennis balls and parachutes made of spun gold…
and chocolate ice cream cones they no doubt share. They will both live on in me and with me
forever. Such Grace.
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